A few weeks ago, I got a scholarship to study a course sponsored by the Mastercard Foundation.
I wanted the scholarship so bad and didn’t even believe I was going to pass the examination because it was so tough but surprisingly I did. Very well too. I scored above 88%.
I started three other online courses that are running concurrently. Whenever a class or peer discussion session is ongoing, I always ask myself what gives me the right to be a part of all these intelligent people that Mastercard Foundation gathered from all over the world.
Most times, I will shrug off the thoughts and redirect my mind to what is important at the moment. More like leaving matter for Mathias😂😂😂
Yesterday, I was to take a test in one of the courses. The criteria to proceed into week three is to score 80% and above or repeat.
When I took the test this afternoon, I was jittery and scared that I would fail. Surprisingly, I scored 100% percent after the test was graded.
When I saw my score, I wanted to scream, rejoice and feel good about myself. A tiny voice in my head told me to shut up my mouth. The voice said I only passed the test because it was too cheap and there was no one to compete with me. Unapologetically ohhh.
At first, I posted the score on my Whatsapp status but when that annoying voice in my head told me to pull down the post before people mock my efforts…I quickly deleted it. I no want wahala.
I spent the best part of my adult life swallowing seeds of condemnation and outright disapproval for everything I did.
The constant condemnation has eaten up my self-esteem and self-worth a great deal.
At a point, I started believing that I must be very dull and incapable of doing or achieving anything good.
Words are very powerful.
Slowly but surely, imposter syndrome crept into my head and has built a mansion in the innermost part of my being.
It is bad that when anyone uses the term brilliant, intelligent, smart, or any positive adjective to describe me, immediately there’s a liar-spotted alarm that goes off in my head.
I always laugh and say…don’t worry, you will soon see that I am not all that you think. I am an empty barrel that doesn’t know how to make noise. Except my fatness does on my behalf sha😂😂😂
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a FRAUD a.k.a 419 also known as ekperima. When it plagues you…it makes you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a pretender or con artist—like you don’t belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck that can run out at any time.
It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise. The thought process is that if you do well, it must be the result of luck because a socially incompetent person just doesn’t belong.
Characteristics of Imposter Syndrome
- An inability to realistically assess your competence and skills
- Attributing your success to external factors
- Berating your performance
- Fear that you won’t live up to expectations
- Sabotaging your success
- Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short. Etc. Etc.
How do you deal with it?
If you feel like a fraud, working harder to do better may not do much to change your self-image. Instead of over working yourself
- Acknowledge your feelings
Identifying imposter feelings and bringing them out into the light of day can accomplish several goals. Don’t deny what you feel.
- Challenge your doubts
When imposter feelings surface, ask yourself whether any actual facts support these beliefs. Then, look for pieces of evidence to counter them.
- Rebrand your definition of success
Success doesn’t require perfection. True perfection is practically impossible, so failing to achieve it doesn’t make you a fraud.
- Be kind to yourself
Offering yourself kindness and compassion instead of judgment and self-doubt can help you maintain a realistic perspective and motivate you to pursue healthy self-growth.
If you want to read more check out this link below.
Meanwhile, I will also try to do better and deal with all my issues.
God will help me🙏