The first examination that I failed in my life apart from the regular mathematics was a deliberate effort to break away from the Pastor’s daughter stereotype that I had worn as a garment all my life.
When we relocated from Akwaibom to Ogun state, I wanted to stay back in my old school but my old man wasn’t having any of my tantrums.
He wanted me to attend Tai Solarin’s Mayflower secondary school in Ikenne because of the prestige attached to the school. Even when I was still in my old school, he had started hyping the school so much that I had a picture of paradise in my head.
The first day I finally visited the school, the whole place looked so old, ancient and filled with plenty hills to climb.
I wasn’t so bothered about the aesthetics of the school so much but what hardened my heart and made me decide there and then that I WILL NOT ATTEND the school was the plenty familiarity.
My dad knew almost all the teachers teaching the core subjects.
The Mathematics teacher was my father’s assistant pastor.
The Geography teacher was our church member.
The Government teacher is a friend to one of my Father’s son in the Lord.
The Economics teacher was also a Pastor somewhere within my dad’s zone.
I finally lost it when the Vice Principal knelt down to greet my dad and was touching my head to investigate the resemblance that my face stole from my dad’s own.
She was a parish pastor too in our zone.
As per mummy parish,
She even ordered her secretary to get us coke, meatpie, doughnut, rice and all the things they were selling at the canteen. For me, this was a red flag something.
She said she will personally look after me on behalf of my father and will ensure I don’t join bad gang. In my mind, I was like this woman doesn’t even know that I am the bad gang myself.
After plenty discussions about Sunday’s message, my dad finally picked the entrance form and I was scheduled to write the entrance examination a week after.
When I got to the exam hall, I didn’t start my own exam until about 45 minutes everybody had started their own. I was just admiring the number of ceiling cracks on the roof and helping the school to clean cobweb with my eyes.
Even at that eheeen, I still finished my own exam before everybody because I shaded all the right options wrongly. If the answer to a question is A, I will deliberately shade C and move to the next one.
When I got home, my mum asked how the exam was and my heart lost three beats. I sha said fine and attempted to eat the food she prepared but the fear that gripped my heart did not allow me to swallow any morsel correctly. The Semovita and okro soup kept falling down to the ground because I was lost in thoughts.
At this point, my guilty conscience was fully cooked and I wished I could turn back the hand of the clock but I had submitted the papers.
When the result was finally released, I scored 17 over 100.
The vice principal was even sadder than the owner of the failed exam. She kept saying ehhhhyaaaa while I was laughing in the corner of my heart.
My dad was angry and left me in the school premises for the birds of the air to adopt my coconut head.
When I finally summoned up courage to go home, the beating I chopped because of this exam that I failed left a scar on my thigh.
My dad flogged me till the point that Angel Theophilus had to come down from Heaven to beg for me.
This is why I don’t answer Amen to any prayer that looks like….may your children do to you what you did to your parents.