The first phone I ever used in my life was gifted to me by my dad and he seized his phone back in the most painful way about two months later.
That phone wasn’t created to be used well by any human being. It came to the world to put one Abigael in trouble with her no nonsense father and disciplinarian mother.
It was in 2007, I had just started growing tiny things that looked like breast on my chest. My bumbum was very flat but had an attractive shape that swayed left, right and centre rhytimically as I moved about my daily business. My smile changed and I had started looking attractive like a young girl at the stage of puberty.
Boys started noticing me. Old men and middle aged were not left out of the admiration game. They all showered accolades on my flat nyansh, big head and brown teeth. They called me all sorts of sweet names that ranged from orobo to black skin angel on earth and God’s assistant among men. Some even offered to buy me unsolicited gifts on many occasions…
All my admirers had one thing in common. They all had sugarcoated tongues wrapped with deceit that looked like a drug coated with a- not- so- bitter substance.
There was one particular guy that was on top my matter. He pestered me for my number and I finally gave him because he promised to be my school father, mentor and coach.
The day kasala burst was the day I left my phone at home to charge in our sitting room. I innocently went to school not knowing what the devil was cooking for lunch.
During break time, that my mentor was calling consistently so we could meet for lessons under the mango tree. My mum picked the phone to know who was that jobless to be calling her daughter without ceasing. She pretended like she was Abigael and spoke to the caller (our voice sounds the same 💯) the guy spilled all his accolades to the rapt attention of my innocent mother.
My mother put the phone on speaker so my dad could partake in the love making session and for his listening pleasure. They didn’t even argue with the lovestruck human being ranting on the phone. They patiently waited for their daughter to come back from school.
When I got back from school, I met all my loads and personal belongings beside the gate. Before my very eyes, my dirty linen was spread in the hot sun for me, my well wishers and new in-laws to sort out.
They asked me to move out of their house to go and meet my new husband that wants to pay unwanted dowry. I begged like my life depended on it. I went through hellfire and 95 years under Buhari’s government before I was forgiven and absorbed back to the family.
Funny enough, I didn’t even know the guy that much o. He was just a senior in SS3 that promised to teach me maths. This incident taught me to be careful when a naked man is promising me the best clothes in the world.
My dad seized my phone and kept it in his drawer till the battery got pregnant and burst with rusty acid. No one ever used that abominable phone till it was discarded into the bin about three years later!