Police is not your friend…
My right eye has been twitching for two days straight now. It was getting so scary that I had to Google the symptoms, causes, cure and yada yada of twitching eyes. I left Google worse than I went there. Those people can diagnose for Africa Tueèeeeeeh.
I was productive at work today for some reasons that scared me. My energy level and mental state were like someone injected me with some substances that sped up the rate of my chemical reaction or metabolism. I am surprised and bewildered because by this time yesterday I was a total mess. I almost fainted on Monday at a school in Wuse 2. I had the “worstest” experience of the year on Sunday.
Between Sunday and Tuesday, I visited a Police station for the first time, I wrote statement, visited SARS office, became a detective, messed up at work and almost got a query (sack sef looks like it is cooking if I don’t get my acts together), learnt how to use a tracker and became a PRO.
While dressing up for church on Sunday morning, I thought that not finding my red lipstick and settling for a pink shade was the worst experience my day could have. I was deliciously wrong.
While doing my “house geh duties” before the service, I broke two cups and two saucers when I slipped from the top of the staircase. Someone shouted my name from downstairs requesting for a key and I was startled. I missed my steps and the content of the tray I was carrying flew in several directions while shattering into an irredemable thousand pieces. The experience is worthy to be noted because the cups and saucers aren’t mine… they are for my Pastors and there are no spare of that type for me to Nicodemously replace…I am still looking for the perfect explanation that I can give to explain why an adult will break four solid “chinaware” at a single missing of step on a blessed Sunday morning.
My Sunday started looking bright in the afternoon and I was relieved. I enjoyed the service and was alert for the first time in a loooooooooooong time. I was present physically, spiritually, academically, mentally and my attention was so in order…no runaway signal from my mental signal. I was so happy and I graciously munched some “suya” that was served. I was in my elements.
Service was so sweet that I even had some takeaway packs to take home from the enjoyment overflow galore that we had in church. I was planning all the posts I was going to write on the blog on Monday which was supposed to be my off day. I stayed back a little to meditate and fill in my physical diary about the events of the day and I was ready to go home around 4:30pm.
Between 4:30pm and 4:50pm I lost my dear phone. Not just a phone but my dearest Samsung Galaxy S9 plus. I would just rather not go into certain gory and skin wrenching details of the issues surrounding the loss/theft of the phone because of some reasons I will mention later. Not now.
I was given the phone as a gift on the 24th of August 2019 and I lost it on the 24th of November 2019. I used the phone for three (3) months before the sons of Belial and the daughters of Jezebel took my dear best friend away from me. The phone was a cutie and I was attached and almost addicted to it. The phone made everything I did flawless and easy to navigate hence the reason I was heartbroken when I couldn’t find my bestie.
I was at Mabushi police station to report my stolen phone and probably get a security personnel to get it back for me by fire by thunder from the perpetrators of evil. The police woman at the counter in Mabushi was just so sluggish and slow. While writing down the statement, I had to repeat myself more than a million times before she could take down a single sentence in her exercise book that shouldn’t be more than 60 or 40 leaves. The other police guy who was also at the counter was watching a porn video on his phone….I was like WTF is this one doing on duty???? He was using earpiece to conceal his secret mission so I couldn’t hear all the huùuuuu, haaaaa and heeèyýy balderdash the pornstar was muttering. I wasn’t peeping sha, I was just monitoring.
I gave up on the police force when they asked me to pay for the registration of the statement they just took….I asked how much I was to pay and they said I should bring anything the Lord lays in my heart. I politely apologised to them that the Lord is not laying any thing in my heart. Before he will lock me in the cell and ask me to bail myself with the money I said I didn’t have to give.
I wasn’t satisfied with the lackadaisical response I got from the police and I proceeded to SARS headquarters in Abuja. It is somewhere close to Apo through the road that links Coza and Mararaba/Nyanya axis to town. This was around 8:55pm at night oooo. I met with some security guards at the gate who claimed to be “officers of the law” I was denied entrance into the building because they wanted to transact business with me. I explained my plight and one of them said I should mobilize them with 20k and they will follow me to track the phone via the app I was using on my sister’s phone which I downloaded from play store. We talked and bargained oooooo but I was advised against taking such a blind risk that might not yield anything by some sympathisers who were with me.
Another option I was given was that I should give SARs officials about two months or thereabout for them to help me track and retrieve the phone but that will cost me about 60k.
I left SARS office very sad but highly determined to find the phone by all means possible. Through the app I was using, I discovered that the last known location of the phone was behind one hospital not very far from my office. I used google map and was trying to locate the place around 9:40pm on Sunday night. I searched and drove round till about 10:20pm without any trace of the shadow of the phone. No I wasn’t alone! I was with some operatives I met who were on patrol. I asked them to follow me into the bush at that time of the night and they didn’t refuse me….God bless their company for me.
Around 11:00pm when there was no hope that the phone was going to be found anytime soon….I decided to call it a day and go rest my tired legs and flabby stomach.
The next morning I got a police officer (free of charge) through the help of someone I know to assist me in searching for the phone. We started searching from around 9:00am till about 1:30pm. No show. The mumu google kept saying my phone was in that neighbhourhood and that I should take 50 metres to the NorthEast and another 50ft meaningless calculation to the Southern hemisphere on the Nigerian map balderdash.
Around 2:00pm on Monday, after the long exposure to the wicked and merciless vitamin Q generating Abuja sun…I was gasping for breathe and dizzy. It was as if the ground was rolling on a wheel and I was asked to sit on top of the wheel. I couldn’t stand well and my legs were almost giving up… I roamed that Bush without sitting for those long agonising hours.
I went back with the police officer and I sat dejectedly in the account office where I was left to regain my self so that I wouldn’t faint. In all of this, I didn’t shed a single drop of tears or even move an eyelid as any same human being in pain would have done. I was just twisting my braids and counting the number of lines on my palm.
I courageously told my mind to move on from the phone and cried myself to sleep last night. This morning, I prayerfully prayed a single prayer for those who denied me the pleasure of enjoying my highly prized possession in this Buhari infested era….I hope God visits them soon with what the works of their hands deserves mixed with some heartache, fire, brimstone and may they be denied peace and prosperity all the days of their lives. I retrieved my sims last night and I would rather not bore you with the annoying details. Everything must just be frustrating somebody in this Nigeria.
Please write to your uncle in the abroad to send me his green card. I will manage anywhere in the world including Somalia and Cameroon. Anything to get out of you people’s country because relocation to a sane community is hungrying me.
#sipspetrol #dropspen #misskoikoi #theft #Samsungphone #angry #bewoke